Getting Started

I'm not sure how I really feel about an "internet diary" but I'll give it a try, my thoughts need to go somewhere.

If you asked me where my thoughts were today, I'd have to tell you on friends. I recently had a "falling out" if you can call it that with a friend that I've had for oh, let's say nine years. She and I never really had a stable friendship, and as I look back on it now it seemed as if I was always chasing her in order to become a "bigger" part of her life. Doesn't really seem worth it does it? Well, it wasn't.

When I look up the definition of a friend and or friendship I repeatedly see these terms:
1. Companionship
2. Devotion
3. Affection
4. Consideration
5. Appreciation
6. Sincerity
7. Understanding
8. Warmth
The one that really pops out for me is devotion. I can honestly say that I was devoted to the friendship we shared between one another. In good times and bad I found myself there for her no matter what the situation and no matter how much it put me out. I can't say the same for her. The reasoning behind our "falling out" is this, the past four months I have been unable to reach her in times of need or just at all. With all the technology surrounding us I have tried numerous routes-calling, texting, emailing, I've even called her place of employment. Nothing. I have not once gotten a reply or even the slightest acknowledgement for my efforts at trying to contact her. I've gone through all the emotions at first I let it slide, she's a catering director, she's busy-second I started worrying had I done something? After racking my brain and realizing that the last time we had spoken were on wonderful terms I found myself hurt. Just simply and really hurt. Questions arise for me, how can someone so easily throw friendship away? Here she has someone right at her fingertips who wants to be her friend, a good friend, at no cost to her. How can someone be so heartless? I would never turn my back on anyone who gave it their all to be my friend, for whatever reason it may be if you find an interest in me I'm going to be there.

In conclusion I have finally reached anger. My last emotion. The anger I feel has allowed me to give up on her and to give up easily. I am done chasing and begging for friendship. I have been given the final straw and I just can't possibly put up with anymore. I am just hoping that there are others out there who share my same quality. I hope it isn't something that has been forgotten. Friendship is a gift, not something that can be obtained. Cherish your true friendships, for they are a gift from God.