Transisting Life

Days go by and with each passing year we become older and more shriveled.

LIVE HAPPILY

Namaste "Let There Be"

Last Monday was my second time doing Bikram (hot yoga) and I think this might be something I'm going to keep up once a week. I've been focusing so much on cardio the past three months-obtaining speed and trying to shed pounds, that a little bit of muscle meditation is necessary. I was always the type of person who was offish towards Yoga, I didn't get it-it never felt like it was something that would do anything to your body. Wow, was I mistaken; I woke up Tuesday morning with an aching sore body! My sister in law introduced me to a neat little place five minutes from my home and the great thing is, it's free! If you don't believe me, check out their website http://www.yogajos.com/. Come support them, it's worth it. In this week's class the instructor asked us to wrap our arms around our body & repeat after her "i love my body." It felt peculiar to me at the time-but it felt good. This coming from a girl who feels like she'll never be perfect-I don't know that I'll ever truly love my body, but I am grateful for its wellness and I should show that appreciation somehow. The two times I've gone have been such a great release-you lose so much water weight (95 degree room temp) and it feels like a release of negative and stressful energy. I've been stressed lately with a troubled mind, so it felt great getting a few of it off my chest through fitness. I'd love to obtain the body of Miranda Kerr or anybody else drop dead gorgeous-but I need to sink down to reality and face the facts. I'll never be a super model OR flawless; but I can be me!

LOVE YOUR BODY.

"The Divine in me recognizes the Divine in you and acknowledges we are the same."

p.s. The constant cardio will continue-and that also feels good at the end of a bad day. Run it off. :)

Couples Retreat

On Friday last minute we decided to go up to Bear Lake with our friends Megan and Austin. We had such a great time. The weather could have been maybe 10-15 degrees warmer and it would have been perfect. Megs and I went golfing with our boys for the first time and they sucked ass-apparently we were bad luck and won't be allowed to go with them again. haha. We got them hooked on tennis and we will be playing a lot more this summer. (They have a court in their backyard, go figure!) Jon made a bunch of amazing food-we watched movies, got in the hot tub, shared stories, and swapped gossip. I love Logan Canyon it is my favorite canyon if someone were to ask. It was weird seeing how undeveloped nature is at this point because of the shitty weather we've been having. No leaves on the trees up there! But I'd call the trip a success and we plan on going again soon.

It was super relaxing. :)

I'm feeling.. out of favor...detested..just blah

I doubt this post will make much sense but I need to get this negative energy out of me somehow. Have you ever felt meaningless in a world full of meaningful people? In our generation we have all this nonsense that began with Myspace and now it's Facebook, Facebook, Facebook. I used to be a part of that society and I'm quite glad to be away from it now. If it were just a means for communicating with acquaintances from your past then I might feel differently about it but it seems like it's a front for everybody. Everyone putting their best foot forward-posting their "best" pictures, showcasing their "best" moments in time. A bunch of posers, I guess it sort of bothers me that people out there feel the need to share all of these moments with people they wouldn't talk to or care about if it weren't for these networks that make it so easy. It's sort of ridiculous how much time people spend on there and especially the variation of age levels-shouldn't your life count for much more than Facebook status, who wrote on your wall, or what picture you have posted on your profile? When I'm 40 something with children I know that I'm going to invest my time in them and not a website. But it's almost like a double edged sword with me-I also hate that because I choose not to share parts of me with the world that I feel less significant or that I'm probably not searched for or missed. I'm just having a downer moment, it'll pass. Life is strange and it's hard to steer away from routine. I always want so much out of life and to share as much as I can of my REAL life, it's why I contribute the way I do on here. But sometimes it just doesn't feel like enough. Is it really that important to be seen? I guess that's where I draw a fine line. I am happy within my life, I have everything I want and need. I feel loved and important to my family and that should be sufficient, but sometimes it's just not. Help.

Models for a Day

The weather has been so nice and I knew that Tuesday would be our last day of it this week (thanks horrid rain) so I wanted to get out. I drug my sister in law out with me to take some pictures. We found a few spots mostly out west; a couple of old rickety barns and a deserted road in Willard. Sarah and I had such a fun time last night, at first we were a little uncomfortable in our own skin but then we loosened up. I am embaressed to have my picture taken next to this girl, she is so beautiful. What I wouldn't do for her gorgeous purity. We have spent a lot of time together lately and I'm thrilled to say we have accomplished an even closer relationship in just the past few weeks. I love her so much. :)

Her blue eyes make my blue eyes look green!
We can't all have long golden locks of hair Sarah...
We had to fight for this carousel, don't judge us.
We can't all be models (well Sarah can) but we can always try. It killed some time. lol.

His words couldn't have been truer...

To be nobody but yourself -- in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else -- means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.

e e cummings

Summer days, summer nights

Your light bleeds through my windows

Like fingers, your light crawling across my floor

the perfect spot for Atti to snore

I'm warm when you're around me

I'm cold when I'm without

The clouds, they try to hide you

but behind them you tend to shout
My face uplifted

with cheeks sunkissed

If you were to go away forever

From me you would be truly missed
Underneath you I turn to bronze

underneath you, green becomes my lawn

Flowers, Bees, Butterflies, & the leaves on our trees

How I wish you'd present yourself-

Screw grey and the cold, where's my vitamin D?

Memories I keep

at your best with this radiance on me

When I'm fast asleep

I dream of the days I've seen.

I do not know what it is about you that closes and opens

Only something in me understands

The voice of your light is deeper than all roses.

Reflection.

We are all just rats in a maze. Released into this world without direction-knowing only one thing-inevitably we must reach our end. Some of us terror and stay in one spot, others rush past searching for this other side but they get lost, and then there's the rest...the rest of us who take our time, we over-think and carefully chart our next move. Each rat will reach their end in one way or another. Those that cower will die without experience-they will have never seen what beauty could lie around the next corner, the lost rat will suffer the anxiety of knowing they set out with high expectations but remain lost dying in a dead end somewhere, and the rest of us; though we might reach the finish, would we have had time to notice what we were passing by? Or would we have been too consumed in thought with only that one purpose in mind-how do I get there and which way is the right way? I wonder…does the right way even matter? For all of us the outcome is the same, we are going to die; it’s our test, but it’s our decision to figure what we will experience until we do.

Mice are much cuter than rats, I’m a girly girl, I don’t want a thick long tail-or greasy black fur. I’d rather be one of those cute little mice with brown fur & little beady eyes. So pretend for a second that you’re this mouse. In your world you search for food & you collect things for your nest. You’ll scamper through the streets picking up garbage left behind, bits of thread, twigs; you’ll need something soft like a piece of fabric torn off of a jacket or a dirty, solitary sock for comfort. You will separately carry all of these things back to your hole and make what you can of it. You will mate, reproduce, then your children will grow and scurry away & you will remain in your hole with your collections, surviving on whatever food you can find. Once the mouse grows old and dies, soon the collections you’ve kept your entire life will be carried away by the wind and none other than your family will ever know what those things meant to you or how hard you worked to gain them.

If you think about it we are not that much different from the mouse. We build a life for ourselves by working so we can own things, different from the mouse; we buy what we collect. The things we own (or are working to own) surround our families-but when we’re gone things we cherished will be divided amongst our close relatives or in figurative words become dust and fly away with the wind.

It’s awfully depressing but I can’t help but consider what the point is. I love my home and I have an entire closet full of things I’ve collected throughout my life that typically only have meaning to me, clutter really. The things and the people that are important to me I will continue to collect and keep. Back to the rats in a maze, you’ve got to see it really doesn’t matter what you do with your life. Whatever race you are, religion you follow, your marital status, hobbies you have, talents you possess, mistakes you make, whether you’re rich & famous, gorgeous or not- it does not matter because the outcome for all of us is the same. You can’t dwell on what you don’t have; it’s just a waste of your time. The only thing that will change is this experience until you draw to a close. We’ve all been given a chance to live, so live- exist! If you’re scared to live you’ll never see the beauty of it all, if you drown yourself in high expectations you’ll die unhappy in a dead end, and if you spend too much time practicing perfect & over thinking your decisions you’ll miss out on what really matters.

If I were dropped in a maze, I’d walk slow seeing everything around me, and take it all in.