"Religion teaches us who we're required to love, not who we are entitled to hate."

I was born into the latter day saints church, I can say that I attended this church until I was about 16 years old. While growing up in this religion, I was introduced to a set of rules to live by. They are as follows:

1. Don't drink
2. Don't watch rated R movies
3. Don't swear
4. Don't wear unmodest clothing
5. Don't have pre-marital sex
6. Don't do anything un-holy on Sundays

I'm sure I could think of some more, but those are the few that stand out to me and well, I've broken them all. Rules were meant to be broken right? No, I guess what I'm trying to say is this...because I do/have done those things, does that mean I've lost my right to earn a place in heaven? People. Please. My decisions in life have not made me someone un-holy, they have made me who I am. Even though I haven't attended a church of any religion in 6 years I am still just as spiritual if not more now, in my life. I have a great relationship with God and I am a great person.

Because the bigger part of my family still attends the LDS Church and practices its faith, I have watched it deteriorate over the years. Man has stepped in and changed what this faith was originally meant to be. I feel like the guidelines I listed above are healthy to an extent. Liquor is bad for your liver, pre-marital sex can bring bastard children into an inevitably unhappy atmosphere, rated R movies can portray violence and give sick minds, sick ideas. I get it. But the difference between following those guidelines for the greater good and following those guidelines because you've been told you'll be damned to hell if you don't is HUGE. Don't tell me that because I'm living my life and making decisions that make me happy that God will punish me. I refuse to believe that; and so should you. If you happen to encounter a judgemental soul then you have met someone who doesn't know who they are. The only way they determine what they are is by putting down who they think they shouldn't be. ..if that makes sense. True greatness to me is someone who can respect and accept others for who they are, not what you think they should be.

Religion is meant to calm the minds who fear the unknown, to give us something to believe in, to use for guidance, and to feel like we belong to something. What it is not is a way for others to belittle anyone who isn't just like them.



Live your life. Be Free. Love thy neighbor as thyself...

p.s. thanks for the quote Kyle. Love you.

Roadkill

We've all seen it, we've all swurved to dodge running it over for the 18th time...

If you're like me, when you notice a carcass on the road you try your hardest to NOT look at it, but inevitably you always find your eyes creeping towards the guts spilling from this poor, defenseless animal. Nasty, I know, but we're all curious humans right?

I have often thought why the hell isn't someone assigned to come clean this shit up? Shouldn't the city be in charge of this or can't they pay someone $20.00-$50.00 (depending on the size of course) an animal to get it up off the road? Of course if that were the case then they would have to hire an appraiser to come measure the animal and evaluate the amount of stomach churning and work that would be involved...

Anywho I don't understand why it's ok that we allow these poor animals to just evaporate into thin air. That can't be good for anyone. For example...I work in a building that is attached to Hwy 89; we have had roadkill a.k.a a racoon in the middle of the road for about 3wks now. It's right in the median in my way of getting over so I can pull into our parking lot. When I first noticed it, it still looked like a cute, furry animal...that I could go pick up and hug...but slowly and well, surely it now looks like an old dirty rug, or maybe a piece of a mink coat that PETA threw out the window of a driving car.

My point is how come it's okay for us to just let these animals be ran over 23.8 times and eventually either become a piece of your car, a piece of the road, or part of our oh-so healthy breathing air? What if as humans, when we passed away they just threw us in the middle of a busy road just hoping that we'd deteriorate before next month's Cherry Days parade? But then again we don't find ourselves playing in and booking it across a busy road in hopes to make it to the other side alive. mmhhhmm, no there's something to ponder.

P.S. This can't be healthy eating for the birds. No wonder they are all so fat.

Feeling/Being Alone Sucks!

I'm feeling particularly alone right now. I can't remember the last time I felt this way; I mean of course there are times when you find yourself alone-and it can be refreshing...but right now I'm just feeling simply alone. I can't help but express the sadness I'm feeling on the inside right now.
I ran into Brian, an old friend of Jon’s, and mine this evening at Wal-Mart. We see each other now and again-its always just a "Hey, how are you? How about this weather..." kind of deal. But tonight seemed somewhat different. I could tell he was flustered over something, and I too wanted to reach out and confess what I'm going through. One thing struck me as odd-he held his arms out for a hug. This is something I think we only did on the day of my wedding (he and I). Regardless we embraced and then I asked him about his life and how things were going-he said rough. Plain and simple. How ironic is it that his explanation matched mine perfectly? I replied with the same answer to the same question. I tried to dig a little bit deeper to see what was so "rough" (that's me, I'm always a helper, always concerned) but all I got from him was this "...LIFE, you know Holl? life.." He then raised his arm in front of me and made the roller coaster motion. It's amazing how one-worded answers can sometimes have the most meaning behind them. For Brian's sake I hope he gets through his "rough" patches and comes out on top.

Even seeing just one other person in distress helped me to realize that my problems and failures might not always be as bad as I make them out to be. I've always been a dramatic when my life isn't p.e.r.f.e.c.t. (Or when it’s currently on the down side of my very own personal roller coaster). Although I know I'm not the only one with problems, I'm also only focused on MY problems right now. It's so hard not to just spill my guts to anyone and everyone. I can feel myself reaching out even to those I don't see that often (Brian) or know that entirely well. What's worse is that if I were asked to spill it, I don't know that I'd even make sense. My heart aches, my body is tense, my eyes are tired, my stomach is never hungry, and god damnit my feet hurt. I'm tired of this. I want everything bad to just go away...find another home to live in because my body doesn't want to deal with it anymore. Thanks for stopping by. Ugh! Why can't it just be that easy?

I know I'm not perfect. No one is, we all must admit that we each have our own skeletons tucked away in their famous closets. I'm tired of not being given the benefit of the doubt...even though I've made my fair share of mistakes; I'm not a bad person. I will always hold my family and friends dear to my heart. (Family-most importantly...to be honest most friends suck) But even so, regardless of any decisions or mistakes any of them might make I will always support them and be there for them. I don't view it as a defect; the way I care is definitely a quality. There are times that I'm taken advantage of because of this, it hurts, but oh well life (there's that word again) goes on.

Bottom line is such. I'm ready to find my happiness. I feel it in my heart, the minor influences I have in life or something that comes along that I might want, isn't worth what I know my true happiness can be. I've been clouded for a long time now, and slowly but surely I'm beginning to see what's important. I'm still so young; I'm growing, I'm learning. I've gone through some of my first major twists and loops on this ride and even though I know there will be more up ahead and it'll be scary-I will better prepare myself. My reaction might still be the same but I will hold on a little tighter...keep my eyes shut tight and push my way through to the upright and less bumpy part of this ride of my life. Hopefully the outcome at my finish will be so fulfilling that I'll be ready to jump back on and ride it all over again.

Paraskevidekatriaphobics

I've just now realized that it's "Friday the 13th." There is a part of me that so badly wants to do

something rebelious, something dangerous.

The sixth day of the week and the number 13 both have foreboding reputations said to date from ancient times, so their inevitable conjunction from one to three times a year portends more misfortune than some credulous minds can bear. It may be the most widespread superstition in the United States. Some people won't go to work on Friday the 13th; some won't eat in restaurants; many wouldn't think of setting a wedding on the date.

Paraskevidekatriaphobics-people afflicted with a morbid, irrational fear of Friday the 13th...incredible. Its comedic to me that that word and definition even exists! I fear many things but Friday the 13th is not one of them. I have always been intrigued by horror films and bumps in the night, there is something utterly exciting to me about getting worked up and scared over something that might or might not exist. There is always a risk, and with that risk you'll find excitement!

To all of you paraskevidekatriaphobic folk out there-I say this to you, relax and live a little bit on the wild side!

Impact

Most of the people who have impacted my life are my family. The ones closest to me.

I can maybe name a handful, maybe, of people outside of that ring who I've made a connection with. That tells me something. I'm lucky to have such a wonderful and close family. I feel a great deal of sadness for the individuals who are unable to share beauty and love with their family members. I care. I can only hope that within my lifetime I am able to touch even just a handful, one handful of people, to make them feel as needed and as loved as I have.

I am fortunate.